So hi! Hello, I’m back. It’s been a bit and there’s so many amazing changes going on in my life! I’ve been stressed with the to do list but overall so excited and happy for where my life is heading. I haven’t wanted to sit down and dwell on the past or the pain that still unfortunately lingers inside my mind and heart. But I feel strongly I need to start yet another hard truth conversation. Possibly even dedicate this blog for the next little bit to this specific topic. Since I’ve had many people reach out to me about it over the last few months, I’ve still found myself fighting against actually posting. But I can’t deny the need to start this conversation.
In a post quite a bit ago I mentioned briefly the topic of narcissism. I’m in no way a professional or expert and if you think you might be dealing with a narcissist in your life I strongly suggest you seek professional help and support.
HOWEVER….another powerful tool is peer support and SPEAKING OUT! So I’ll be sharing some deeper views, experiences and opinions of narcissism and how it’s effected my life personally.
If you’re like me, when you think of a narcissist you think of some self absorbed vain actor who’s arrogant and bossy. Someone who’s obsessed with money and success as much as they are with looks and materialistic things. I mean, the definition you’ll find of the word narcissist is in fact: ‘a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves’. However, if you dig deeper into studying the world of narcissism, you’ll find there’s actually many different definitions, forms and traits. The spectrum of narcissism runs from simple selfishness to straight up sociopath. The more you learn, the scarier it gets to think about. But it’s also healing to understand when you’ve encountered people like this. Being able to identify a narcissist in your life can be the saving knowledge to help you cope.
There’s typically four main types of narcissist that you’ll see mentioned in medical texts and support groups. This first post is gonna be a lot of educational material so that when I share more personal information and experiences you’ll have the ability to understand better. So let me list and give a quick snap overview of each of these types.
(Information taken and modified from medium.com)
1 — Grandiose Narcissist
“I’m better than you, and I know it”
This is your classic arrogant and attention-seeking narcissist. They are entitled, preoccupied with success, and jealous of other people.
Often misusing or exploiting relationships for one’s own benefit, they will gaslight you to doubt your own feelings and intuitions.
These people use their empathy to tune in to what pleases you, and uses it to manipulate. In doing so, they find validation.
2 — Malignant Narcissist
“I will do whatever it takes to get what I want.”
Contrary to the “grandiose narcissist”, these individuals don’t do anything for your benefit. They will lash out at, or attempt to destroy other people in order to prop up his or her fragile sense of self. They are bullies.
While there is a difference between narcissists and psychopaths, this category of narcissists has a tendency to lean towards psychopathy more so than any other type of narcissist.
They still do feel some degree of guilt and shame when breaking rules whereas a psychopath will not feel any.
3 — Covert Narcissist
“I’m a great artist but the world never noticed my talent.”
This one can be trickier to spot than other types of narcissists because the person isn’t always obvious about their disorder. Suggested by the name, this type of narcissist is someone who has has a hidden layer of narcissistic traits.
Deeply self-absorbed, these individuals feel chronically victimized, as though the world has failed to recognize their brilliance.
Often misdiagnosed as depression, their concealed confidence makes it difficult to recognize their narcissistic traits at first sight. They are passive-aggressive, hypersensitive to criticism, and truly believe that the world never got their greatness.
At first encounter, they may even seem like that friend who lacks confidence and needs a boost but the key indicator of their narcissism is the arrogance along with their failure. They don’t take ownership of what they did wrong and always blame the world and others for them not succeeding.
4 — Communal Narcissist
“Look at all the great things I’ve done for the world!”
This subtype of narcissism refers to individuals who get their validation from community-related aspects of life, such as helpfulness, and philanthropy.
This is the person who has countless photos on their social media of them getting all dressed up and going to charity events and galas.
They are always showing off their great deeds for the world but have an instant need to talk about it. They seek a lot of validation for their “good work”.
They even seem to have a lack of empathy for the people they are trying to help and rather feel above them.
If we want to do a good deed, we do it quietly. We do it because we know it’s the right thing to do. But a communal narcissist does it for show. A narcissist only cares for their image in the eyes of the world, rather than how they make everyone else feel.
Pretty intense, huh. One word that was used in those descriptions was ‘gaslight’. I think I briefly mentioned this in one of my last blog posts but let me give you the in depth definition of gaslighting if you don’t already know.
gas·light
verb
gaslighting: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. It is an insidious and sometimes covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser makes the target question their judgments and reality. Even though this word was only used under grandiose narcissist it’s often a tool many other types use to control and manipulate others.
These types often have many of the same traits but their main drive or focus is what determines ultimately which type they are. We are so used to the grandiose type being talked about as the obvious form of narcissism. However the other three are just as prominent in the world. In fact, the two most dangerous of the four, I believe, is the covert and malignant narcissist.
Which when combined makes up the kind I came face to face with in 2010 and who shook the very core of my existence for years after.
-to be continued-
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