A few months ago, I let the past back in my heart and an unobtainable future into my mind. My eyes were blinded to the present and presence right in front of me. I decided to put my energy into something, hoping maybe, a miracle would happen. That my life would turn around, and like the ending to a feel good movie...I’d find my happiness. Life isn’t like that. You can’t shop in the past and spend what’s already been spent. You can’t create a parallel life where your actual responsibilities and mistakes are just *poof* gone and you’re free to live a different life. Life only moves forward. It’s a constant battle. A war. An opportunity. Life is day by day, week by week. You can plan ahead, just don’t forget to live today as well as tomorrow. You can look behind, to learn and grow and remember. But don’t let what happened be what happens again and again. Don’t cut open old wounds that have finally begun to heal because you don’t like the look of the scar. Let it be. Let it heal. Let it go.
Nothing good comes from finding fault with others. With yourself. With situations. With life. Live the journey of life as a quest for positivity. The quest to finding what’s right, what’s beautiful, what’s good in every situation. Because this world has more beauty then it could ever have ugliness.
A YouTuber named Justin (Justin Scarred/Randomland) started a ‘Quest for Positivity’ after his entire world was turned upside down. Evan and I both really enjoy watching his videos. He had every reason to be bitter and angry. To allow the bad hand life suddenly dealt him to control and dictate how he saw life and how he lived each day. Instead he started ‘The Quest for Positivity’ and invited everyone to start on their own Quest. In a world where so many people make a living off of being cynical and negative, he shows us how much beauty and joy can be found if you just allow yourself to look for it. Get excited. Be goofy. Be positive. Laugh. Don’t be lame just because you’re an adult, or because you may think it’s uncool to actually smile and be happy. Life is so much better when you’re weird. Dance in the street. Sing in the store. Get nerdy over Star Wars. Jump up and down with excitement.
I love it. I have always been one to complain. To expect and think the worst. I’ve always been cynical of the world because I felt the world was always being cynical of me.
Last night, I fell into one of the worst depressions I’ve had in a long time. I was worn and torn and exhausted. I felt defeated in every sense of the word. Even after taking a sleep aide and forcing myself to just sleep it off, I woke up this morning and went right back to sleep, not wanting to even attempt to face the day. I don’t know why I finally got up, probably the guilt of having Joey just watch tv in bed while I selfishly slept most of the morning away. I eventually made it from the bed to the couch. As Joey played with his toys on the floor, I absentmindedly looked through my phone. My mind was still overwhelmed with pain and negativity. I just wanted to go back to bed. Suddenly, I hear Joey beside me. ‘Mom, look.’ I look over at him. ‘Mom, look I’m right here, mom.’
I love it. I have always been one to complain. To expect and think the worst. I’ve always been cynical of the world because I felt the world was always being cynical of me.
Last night, I fell into one of the worst depressions I’ve had in a long time. I was worn and torn and exhausted. I felt defeated in every sense of the word. Even after taking a sleep aide and forcing myself to just sleep it off, I woke up this morning and went right back to sleep, not wanting to even attempt to face the day. I don’t know why I finally got up, probably the guilt of having Joey just watch tv in bed while I selfishly slept most of the morning away. I eventually made it from the bed to the couch. As Joey played with his toys on the floor, I absentmindedly looked through my phone. My mind was still overwhelmed with pain and negativity. I just wanted to go back to bed. Suddenly, I hear Joey beside me. ‘Mom, look.’ I look over at him. ‘Mom, look I’m right here, mom.’
All the pain went away. All the negative thoughts all the self hate and judgements. All the hurt and hopelessness. I knew he was there. I knew he loved me and I knew he was worth all the pain and hardships I have gone through and will eventually go through. But I forgot to look. I forgot to see him. To focus on the beauty. No matter the amount of ugliness that may live within me or around me, the beauty he brings into my life will always outweigh all the ugly. The quest for positivity is more then just being positive. A lot of us can smile in the mist of pain. Can fake happiness in the chaos. The quest for positivity is about looking for reasons to be genuinely happy. It’s not enough to just put on a mask if when you take it off you still focus on the negative. We got to train our minds to see. All the beauty in the world is saying, ‘Look, look, I’m right here’ You just have to choose to see it. To see it. To feel it. To live it. And to let it warm your heart and make you feel genuinely happy, positive, grateful and loved.
Thank you Justin for choosing to start this quest. Thank you, Evan for sharing it with me and for your patience and love. Thank you Joey, for being the beauty.
Thank you to all those who bring beauty into my life.
Much love and God bless.
Thank you Justin for choosing to start this quest. Thank you, Evan for sharing it with me and for your patience and love. Thank you Joey, for being the beauty.
Thank you to all those who bring beauty into my life.
Much love and God bless.
